The Jazz.com Blog
January 19, 2009 · 3 comments
Jazz.com refuses to report on Elvis sightings, abductions by aliens or evidence that the Apollo trips to the moon were faked by NASA. But even the jazz world needs a good conspiracy theory, and no one is better at providing it than Walter Kolosky. Read on! T.G.
Inaugural Jazz, artwork by Suzanne Cerny
Another blow to jazz fans came recently when XM Satellite Radio merged with Sirius Satellite Radio. As always happens with these asinine mergers some things had to go. It was decided that one of those things would be the XM channel 72 and its Beyond Jazz programming. Once again the jazz community is the victim. The continuing diminution of jazz outlets is no accident. There is something sinister going on my friends and it is time that someone exposes it.
Taking Beyond Jazz off the satellite radio network is just the latest of a thousand insults to jazz fans, and U.S. jazz fans in particular, that the mainstream has perpetrated over the last few decades. This is not just a trend. It is part of a carefully calculated and widespread plot among many people in power to quash jazz in our society.
Over the years, many more celebrities and important figures than you are aware of have shown their undying support for jazz music. But you’ve never heard much about it because their views have been either altered or even wiped clean from the history books. In an anti-jazz cabal the mainstream media, the vast right-wing conspiracy and even the liberal media have joined forces to keep jazz down. This must be investigated. I’ve gotten the ball rolling by uncovering important documents, obtained through the little known Freedom of Jazz Information Act, that prove that there has been a systematic cleansing of much of that history. You will read quotes from those documents further on in this blog. The degree to which these statements have been altered and accepted as fact over the years will outrage you. The new U.S. congress must make this matter a priority. Jazz was created in America. We must make sure that the “forces within” do not destroy the truest of all American art forms.
I am a realist. I know the first investigation will be a total whitewash. There is a lot of money on the other side. We will have to push and push to get to the bottom of this. There are very good reasons why certain elements in the United States would want to lessen the influences jazz music may have on the populace. Jazz poses a threat to their agenda. This music represents artistic freedom. These people hate our artistic freedom. These same folks are found hard at work every day trying their best to undermine all creativity in the arts and sciences. We must stop them. And we must start now.
The extent that enemies of jazz have gone to alter documents and edit audio and video records is astoundingly treacherous. It took a great deal of painstaking investigative research to locate and confirm the quotes listed below. At times during my investigative work bodily harm was a true possibility. But I would do anything for jazz and the country I love. After reading these quotes you will be as outraged as I am that they have been tampered with.
Nathan Hale: “I only regret I have but one life to give for jazz.”
Winston Churchill: “Never have so few played so much jazz for so little money.”
Virgil Tibbs: “They call me Mr. Jazz.”
Marie Antoinette: “Let them listen to smooth jazz.”
Alexander Graham Bell: “Come here, Watson. I hear jazz.”
Goldfinger: “No, Mr. Bond, I want you to like jazz.”
Thomas Edison: “Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% listening to jazz music.”
Woody Allen: “Eighty percent of success is showing up for a jazz gig.”
Oliver Twist: “Please, sir. I want some more jazz.”
Benjamin Franklin: “Jazz is living proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy.”
W.C. Fields: “On the whole, I'd rather be at the Newport Jazz Festival.”
John F. Kennedy: “Before the end of this decade, we will put jazz on the moon.”
Martin Luther King: "I’ve been to the mountain top and I have heard the promised jazz!"
Neil Armstrong: “That’s one small step for man. One giant leap for jazz music.”
Oprah Winfrey: “I still have my feet on the ground; I just listen to better jazz.”
Three Stooges: “Free jazz, five dollars. Free jazz, five dollars!”
Inspector Clouseau: “I thought you said your jazz does not bite.”
Ski Lodge Clerk: “That is not my jazz.”
Eubie Blake: “If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of my jazz record collection.”
Frank Zappa: “Jazz isn’t dead. It just smells funny.”
Patrick Henry: “Give me jazz or give me death.”
Yogi Berra: “I always thought that jazz record would stand until it was broken.”
Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart: “I may not be able to define real jazz, but I know it when I hear it.”
Rodney Dangerfield: “The only time I got any respect was when I was at a jazz concert.”
Marilyn Monroe: “Jazz is a girl’s best friend.”
Vince Lombardi: “ Jazz isn’t everything; it’s the only thing.”
Pliny the Elder: “Home is where the jazz is.”
Groucho Marx: “A man’s only as old as the jazz he listens to.”
Barack Obama: “Yes, I pal around with jazz musicians.”
Unknown: “As goes jazz; so goes the country.”
This blog entry posted by Walter Kolosky.